Sunday, 11 August 2013

At Mum's place... Kurseong

At my home..Samtse

Mum....I Miss You.

From all the people in and around us, perhaps the love of a mother is the one of the most important one. As I’m growing older, I’m coming to know that although both my parents were responsible for bringing me up and shaping me for  what I’m today, my mother holds a special role. She risked her life so that I can see the world.

Late Kamu Dewan

She was the one to whom I would rush when I was confused. She always knew what was right for me and would always sort out my problems and mess of emotions. She always used to fill the fridge with different fruits while I returned from my college break. She knew I like fruits.    

The simple fact is that, no matter how big we are and how old, we never cease to be like children. We always need that one affection and quiet concern given us by our dear mothers. And we spend lifetime seeking it. My mother is dead now and these 6 years and I still grieve her passing.

I wondered at that timeline 21st June, 2007, God who has all the power in the world wasn't choosing to heal my mum. Days, Minutes, Hours were slipping away so quick! Mum was getting worse. Some days I could feel her slipping away. Instead she was lying in bed and I was taking care of her. Days ticked by and we spent every moment possible with her since doctor had told me she would die. A huge wave of sorrow washed over my heart, a rushing torrent that threatened to pour from my eyes. Tension torn me apart and I felt terrible. I was recalling God again and again for her recovery. I tried to memorize how awesome her hugs felt. Time seemed like a terrible enemy for me…relentless in its pursuit of taking my mum away from me.

But on 21st June 2007,, she slipped away. And on august 21st I became one those motherless child. Something I thought couldn't actually happen to me.

On that day on-wards God put me on a journey I never wanted to walk. A painful journey and I had no choice but to walk it at least for my dad and my family.

At first it was hard and I cried buckets of tears. But as the journey continued, other people resumed their normal lives. I too wanted to but somehow somewhere my life was changed.

All the pain was so intense, the struggles were so hard. I would lay on my bed by myself and just sob and I would fall asleep.

Losing mum was what I had never expected. I still carry my grief with me. It is a part of me now. 

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Tell yourself. I am who I am. There is no one else who is like me just as I am like no other. Everything I say, think, feel or do is mine, belongs to me, no one else. I am accountable for it, only me. My dreams, my aspirations, my hopes and my beliefs, I own them, I control them. My fears, my doubts, it is me who allows them space in my head and in my heart. With work, I can banish them, I have that power. If I am responsible for what I do and say then I can change it. If I am responsible for my hopes and dreams, not only can I create them but I can achieve them. If I am me there is nothing I cannot do. As Don Miguel Ruiz said “Nothing anyone ever says or does is because of you”. People are responsible for their own selves. They may be reacting t what another says or does, but they alone choose how they react just as you do. So remember you are your own self and to your own self be true.

Monday, 25 March 2013


A month ago, I have been very nicely surprised by little birthday party organized by friends of mine, with all the trimmings: food, cake, wine, foster, cards and presents.  On  that night of actual birthday, my five friends were together again, so hey, let’s  party, Lets break the floor for your last birthday bash…Here last means,i said that this celebration is going to be last because henceforth I’m not going to celebrate.  Yippee!! I’m 30! Old enough!!  Excited and pretty sad too for wrinkles that are going to remind me every time I stand in front of mirror reminding of my age. And not to mention, I’m pretty cautious of face, size and shapes. 
But my real surprise for turning 30 happened just before the clock stroke 12. I got an elegant cake from newly friend of mine… Mr. Pema Jambay!  Actually cake was supposed to be from my roommate Phuspa, my closest and yes off course my roommate. Since 4 years now I had been sharing a room with her. Now she has become a part of my life.  There have been many deep and dark valleys that I have walked through in my 30 years, but I know without a doubt that she has always been with me by my side, guiding me, comforting me, encouraging me, strengthening me.  
Most elegant gift i ever got- Thank you Pema Sir

 Back to cake, she had requested me a month ago saying that she is going to present me my 30’s birthday cake and I was not supposed to buy it by any means.  But when she came after office, she was downcast, her face so gloomy and when I asked her the reason; she had to mention that Pema Jambay didn't allow her to buy the cake. He spoiled her plan. I was like…what is this? Two people fighting to buy a cake for me??? So babyish! But frankly speaking, in their silly quarrel I came  to the conclusion that I"m valuable in their life. I was so touched and elated! I just thought myself; I don’t have a reason to be unhappy when I’m surrounded with caring people like them. I’m blessed to have them.  
Pema Jambay, Phuspa & Usha 
And speaking of Face book, I made the leap into the great world of “Social Networking” in the year 2009.  I currently have 454 Friends (not bad for a User), and I am finding more and more friends from years gone by through this program.  And I have been thrilled by all the people who have wished me a Happy Birthday that particular day. If a “score” is equal to 20, then I literally have had “scores and scores” of people sending me their well wishing.  Let me say in return to all these friends of mine, “Thank You so much for making my day simply mind blowing!”

Well, how can i skip about a message  left by my colleague, my best friend in my desktop. Here is how it goes….simple but really sweet and touching for me. She is the person behind me being stronger in life.   She is the one who taught me be positive in life and said, " Quality of your life depends upon quality of your thoughts". she has always been supportive. This note below is left by her before she left for Vellore for her dad's operation

My Dear Mam/ Fren/ Sis..
U take care of urself …don’t waste ur precious time/ tears for someone who does not deserve u. Try faking your mind lah. U are such a wonderful person and u deserve to be happy always. Be positive and count good things in ur life coz whatever happens, happens for a GOOD REASON.Try to stop driving trains when  m not here…heehee . I will also do d same.
I will not be there on ur Birthday…but u will be remembered lah. U have a blast and MANNY MANNY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY..HAPPY BIRTHDAY.(M d first one to wish u…Whoever wishes u first on ur birthday tell them thy’ve become second lahhh)
Take care of urself and Pema sir and Ramesh Sir too. C u.
Love You. Will be missing u a lot.
Manju dee..heheee.

Thank you Manju Thapa, Phuspa, Pema Jambay and Usha for your continuous support!!

My prayer for all my readers is that each of you too may know how deep, how long and how wide is my Savior’s love.  Be blessed my friends. 

I really love flowers.  And I love the promise of spring and renewal (both in season and in life).